By Current Writer
Something interesting popped up on the timeline today. And although it is unconfirmed, it should be taken seriously by MLB.
Are the Nationals in fact, engaging in sexual activity with each other? Does Max Scherzer and Stephen Strasburg handjob each other in the shower? Do Juan Soto and Victor Robles dock in the sauna? (If you’re unaware of docking, you’re lucky). Does Ryan Zimmerman have every rookie blow him in the locker room as a rite of passage?
If so, the league should take swift and firm action for having sex without personal protective equipment. All sexual activity between teammates should be banned from February to October.
We here at Mets Uncensored are believers that anyone can have sex with whomever they want, as long as it doesn’t involve cancelling baseball games. So please, Nationals, stop fucking each other and stop fucking the Mets schedule. Thank you.